im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
