Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
