K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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