hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
