and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
