"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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