ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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