I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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