In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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