I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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