dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im six kinds of drunk right now
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
