so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
