Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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