Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
