I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
