If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
