Buhtt sex?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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