if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
