She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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