Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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