ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
