I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
