oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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