I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
