is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
