So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
