So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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