I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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