You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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