I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
