Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
