Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
