i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
