Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
