I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
