FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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