so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
birth control should be required to get into college
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
