The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
