my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
