Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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