Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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