Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
