what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
