My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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