I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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