I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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