I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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