I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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