He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
