He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
