dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
