Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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