i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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