before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
