i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
