I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
