i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
