Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
